INFORMATION overload or PRIVACY invasion? A new era of advertising.

“I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.”

~Erma Bombeck

We're all bombarded by information overload with "BUY ME" screaming at us everywhere.  It doesn't matter if you're on a solo drive to work or on transit, relaxing at home -- we ARE surrounded by advertisements:  the radio, billboards, bus ads, vehicle wraps. We log on to our computers at home to check our email or check our social media to see what family or friends are up to and even that is surrounded with banner ads.  

Certainly, information is getting more personalized.  Some folks even go so far as to say that too much trust is innocently being handed over to the big engines who monitor our clicks to tailor what we see.  Oh, boy.  Sure sounds like "Big Brother" has arrived doesn't it?  Of course.  There it is: the popular TV show where you can watch people hang out all day and night, get into fights, delve into relationships, intimate or lead others. That's entertainment!

There are plenty of people that are opposed to signing up to social media platforms, holding out and not caving in to what seemingly everyone is doing.  There are definitely good reason for many.  Except, if you think you are avoiding anything, you're being snowed.  Those individuals may see it as a waste of time, perceive narcissism, or simply state that they don't want to broadcast what they're thinking, watching, reading.   Privacy right? 

I'll admit, sometimes when I'm driving I may happen to notice a billboard or transit ad on the back of the bus I'm behind.  Usually the image first catches my eye and if I'm stopped at a stop light,  I might even notice the caption or tag line ... and then .... yes, there it is - the ULTIMATE:  the website.  OK, I ask myself, where is the address?  What about a phone number?  I'm expected to remember the website so then I can go look it up?  Geezwhiz.

Oh, wait a minute, where is that pen/paper or my soft phone to capture a photo of the moving ad to write the website down while I'm DRIVING! That seems pretty dumb, almost hilarious to me.  At least laughing out loud would be safer than juggling steering wheel, feet on the pedal, while keeping your eyes on the road.  Oh right, they want to take your eyes off the road so that you will pay attention to the ad, and memorize the website.  We're not burnt out from work, our eyes are not tired.  We want to jump up and say -- I wanna look that up by golly! 

Forget kissing your spouse, asking your kids how their day went, or walking the dog.  First thing you will do is fire up the computer, log on to the computer to go to the website before you turn on the television or pick up the paper .... all which are tempting you with alternative offers to distract you so you forget about it until you are cleaning up the car you find the rumpled piece of paper or looking for what to delete off your phone to free up space.  By then, you probably won't even remember why you had it to begin with or your budget is already blown. Come to think of it, somebody else is spending  pretty big budgets to tell us to go to a website?

What about when the television is flipped on to relax.  Yeah right!  Who can watch anything these days without being irritated by so many television ads?  Flip on over to Netflix, AMC or HBO special programs and notice if there aren't any product placements with brand logos?  Not too often.

Have I made my point:  Someone is making a lot of dough justifying unsafe habits or invading your privacy so that you will only go to their WEBSITE. 

“There are many things of which a wise man might wish to be ignorant” 

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Recognition REWARDS

"There are two things people want more than sex and money... recognition and praise."

~Mary Kay Ash

Recognition is the most powerful tool in a leader's toolbox.  Genuine, authentic praise creates a positive culture and encourages your team to strive harder.  Nothing communicates louder for a job well done!  What do you do to reward a success in your organization?

• A plaque with employees' name displayed prominently;
• Throw a party -- bring in pizza, refreshments
• Give out tickets to the company's sports seats
• Issue praise company wide, including executives
• Give time off -- let them leave at noon on a long weekend 
• Offer to take individuals out for lunch 

I agree with praise and recognition.  In fact, offered suggestions that may be valuable.  However, limited financial resources or tenuous approval chains can prevent the lunches and company parties.  I don't think they are necessary.   In my opinion, our society needs to communicate that there are ways to give that are not always financial.   Donating is important and a great reward for commendable behavior.  

The next time you consider rewarding someone or a team, consider donating to charity.  Time is money and tends to have a much greater long term value.  It benefits the charity, the community while bolstering the company's reputation.  

Who the manager or leader chooses to participates is recognition in itself and communicates that this person or team represents what the company stands for and those strengths are being shared with the community. 

Charity work lifts the spirits of many and can impact generations.  

What about mentoring and leading by reinforcing positive qualities?  For example, instead of just donating tickets to an event for "Kids Up Front" ( http://kidsupfront.com /) offer to have one of your top employees escort the child to the event.  

Instead of donating books to the local school or library, have your team spend a morning with preschoolers and read to them. It would encourage the love of reading and instill the habit by those whom children may look up to.

The next time you consider rewarding someone or a team, consider donating your best resources to charity -- people. It generates pride and satisfaction from the participants.  It also instills a model of giving that is not always monetary.  

"Don't worry if you are not recognized, but strive to be worthy of recognition."

~Abraham Lincoln

Eagle's Nest or Crow's View? Who is better to sell for?

There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.

~Nelson Mandella

A recent article in Linked In got me thinking ... which is better from a sales point of view -- to sell for a big corporation or a small organization?  There are definitely good points for either.

Smaller Company (Crow's View)

• Usually bigger job title
• Greater agility in customizing solutions for customers
• Less bureaucracy to weed through to get an answer
• You can pick up the phone and call an executive for permission to clarify rules, boundaries, pricing
• The President, or an Operations Executive, will roll up their sleeves and sit in and pow wow to brainstorm on ways to win a customer
• You will be given more responsibility, in a shorter period of time because you have less people to prove anything too
• On the flip side, if you mess up, it will be exposed more readily with less barriers
• You will have to prove to the customer that you can handle their work or requirements
• Looking from the outside in, you may more easily identify gaps in service that you can fill
• You can offer to be the back up provider to the Bigger Corporation, which can be a toe in the door
• Customer relationships have a wider breadth - they get to know the delivery/dispatch personnel to the service tech, to the accounting people
• If your customers run into financial challenges, you can often navigate a win win arrangement that will earn loyalty
• More difficult for a smaller company to have the advertising, PR machine that the Big Corporation has
• Small companies tend to be entrepreneurial, therefore, many customers know the owner/principle personally
• Loyalty between employer and employee tend to be pronounced and rewarded with trust
• Smaller graphic locations or spread out to only a few branches

Big Corporation (Eagle's Nest)

• You will typically have brand recognition, which opens doors easily, even if just gaining appointments
• You will have a smaller title and a narrower realm of responsibility
• More people get involved, which can often cause confusion with the customer
• Too many silos or processes can greatly hamper being able to serve the customers
• Difficult to communicate, many channels you have to go through to get a single answer,
• The Big Corporation could be its own worst enemy --  you feel like you're constantly jumping through hoops to get have simple things done (i.e. credit to customer owed)
• Change is imminent .... customers are sometimes uncomfortable when they have to keep explaining themselves through various channels
• Streamlined processes are sometimes the barriers created to do business with customers
• Executives rarely visit with customers, and even then, they must be substantial in order to see
• Many managers are figureheads, numbers watchers, metric creators, and results drivers
• Strictly a professional relationship that rarely goes beyond to personal, family, history, because managers constant change prevents
• You have to prove yourself through multiple layers, multiple channels, multiple colleagues and their managers, in multiple locations to get one thing done
• The rules are the rules, the processes are the processes

The main difference highlighted definitely show the benefits and obstacles of both Big and Small.  Yes, in a smaller organization, there is less bureaucracy to weed through to get an answer, which often impacts customer responsiveness.  However, it you've worked for a substantial corporation, you are accustomed to the luxury of process ... less fly by the seat of your pants knee jerk reactions.  Alternatively, big companies have so many silos and obstacles in front of employees that negatively affect customers.

One of the biggest misconceptions I had was when a Small Company was acquired by a Big Corporation....  I was under the misguided impression that there would be big influx of money.  That was hardly real.  Stiff cost controls are common in both scenarios. 

The ability to serve is what is key.  There are definitely pros and cons to either.   Utopia would be finding a nice balance between the two.

No EXPIRY Date ... in recruiting and careers

"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."

~Mark Twain

I've been having conversations with what some would call "old people" lately about gaining employment.  There seems to be a growing concern that anyone 50 or over are not desirable new employees.  Gosh, since when did 50 become old?  Isn't the retirement age 65?  Am I missing something -- a memo that went out that missed my email inbox or a social media article?

If you turned 50 in 2014, that means you were born in 1964. It is well past the defined "Baby Boomer" era and long before Millenia became a popular defined age.  

To define the terms and categorization:  Baby Boomers (1943-1960), Gen X (1961-1981), Gen Y (1982-2004) now called Millenials. 

We're creating a new dysfunction in society, sadly.  From my view, I see Millenia's totally being taken advantage of.  Their Baby Boomer parents have done their darndest to pave the way for the tipping edge of the Millenias whereby it is customary to ignore anything that a parent has to say, and only information from perceived smart sources (social media, media, academia, friends).

Millenia  (Gen Y) 1982-2004

Unfortunately, Millenias didn't have post war parents who kicked behinds out the door, demanded to improve their lives by taking advantage of what hadn't been offered to them:  usually an education.  Many learned by life's knocks and setbacks, and there were cobblestones, gravel roads, hardly anything paved.  Nowadays, it seems that anything BUT an elder person has wisdom and experience to heed -- including anything viral, on social media, in the media or considered relevant by the age group.

It ain't so rosey folks.  When I was in my 20s, I was pretty dazzled when someone in their 50s took the time to mentor me, give me advice, follow their example, and learn from. The kids who have arrived in their 50s post Baby Boomers, were born in between 1960 and 1975 thereabouts ... a time of optimism, world power was determined by economics and soon to follow technology.  They were graduating when the 80s were coming into fashion.  Today, 80s fashions, music, innovations (aka computers) movies, are hip to watch, pay heed to by the Millenias.  Kind of ironic I'd say.  Pay attention to the music, movies, television or technologies that defined your parents generation, but ignore their advice today, in person.

Gen X (Post Boomers) 1961-1981 

There are a lot of Millenias that are no where nearly as tough as post Baby Boomers are.   These are the people who worked while going to university or college, saved up to buy a car themselves, and were brought up to believe that success was defined by 20 or 30 years with the same company, a healthy retirement pension, and a massive retirement party that included not just colleagues and clients, but family and friends. That was the culture then.  If you were going to work 50 hours a week, you'd be recognized for your extra dedication, hard work, be recognized, promoted, handed a raise, or even get paid overtime.  Not like today where that will barely keep you a job.  Today, you are being asked to bypass OT for banked hours, then hassled if you want to take time off.  Is it a wonder that stress is the leading killer, the culprit behind heart disease and cancer?


Post Baby Boomers, pre-Millenias, weren't programmed for layoffs.   It was ingrained in them that if you put in an honest day's work, you will reap the rewards.  Your co-workers were not colleagues, they were your work family.  Many of our best companies today, that are faltering, were built on this culture yet fallen completely out of touch.  They were built on a community, employee first culture.  Typically, formed by Post War Babies, they hired many Baby Boomers and Post-Boomer employees.  There was a culture of pride in who you work for, who you worked with, and what you did.  Taking anything for granted was never part of the psyche because it wasn't in the genetic code called upbringing.

Baby Boomers (Post War) 1943-1960

Kids, you're being taken advantage of and being misguided by some pretty savvy dishonest people, companies, organizations. Never doubt, they know the ins and outs of employment codes and confidently walk on the fine line.  You can take two weeks off for legitimately being really sick, go to the doctor and get a doctor's note and the boss will dock your pay, citing that you are only entitled to 1 day per month for illness.  Huh?  Yes, it happens.

Or, how about a boy who is 25, has worked for the same corporation for 6 years, even has to be told to go home when sick, is at work long before starting time because he's up at 4:30 to make the long trek into work via bus because he can't afford a car, never mind leave home.  Why?  Further disheartening, is that this corporation only pays him $12.25 an hour after 6 years.  He's had a whopping $0.25 .. yes, 25 cents TOTAL, raise over the course of 6 years!!  This same fellow was given a regional award for outstanding service, attitude and customers love him!  

How can that be possible?  Well, it is possible because the branch of the corporation has to reign in on costs and employees are overhead and a major cost that shareholders don't like and corporations have a challenge controlling spending, so they fix the area that seems to be the easiest, in their people resources.  They bank on the fact that employees of any age are hesitant to rock the boat and put their jobs at risk and remain quiet.

The cycle has begun.  We're not listening to anyone who can help the ones that need help.  We're letting the ones who shouldn't be allowed to be in a position of power get away with some of the mass dysfunction.

"All diseases run into one, old age."

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

How about even to this day the Rolling Stones are considered super stars, setting concert ticket sales benchmarks.  Why is that when they haven't released a brand new single in how many years?  It is a little strange if you ask me.  It isn't what post Baby Boomer were raised to believe in and doesn't coincide with economics lessons of the best universities.   Yet, it happens.

Shame on us for ignoring anything that doesn't directly impact us ... because it does impact us.  Maybe not today, or next year, but it will when there is no retirement or pension funds that were promised ... yes, from putting in many honest days' work, staying with a company until retirement, or making contributions... because the ones managing those funds are padding their own pockets and living the life we are naively thinking will be waiting for us at 65.  What about stock option plans that are encouraged?  Who really benefits from that?  Not the average worker realistically.

How about how we craftily recruit people in a way to reveal their age.  There are multitude of online application forms  with red stars that must be completed by prospective candidates in order to be processed that force a month and/or year.  Why? So, they can purposely, although never admittedly, avoid being hired because they're over 50.  Why? So someone in their 20s or 30s can be hired and paid less, within a corporate culture that has deteriorated severely from reward to fear.  

It's all our each and individual faults.  We allow it to happen. Once in a while a sexy newsworthy piece unfolds, gets it a whole bunch of attention and a company or government hangs its head in a moment of shame ... soon followed by the offender blasting out a response by a PR machine, to silence the outcry by its big mechanism ... just so that it can go back to finding ways to be more profitable, on the backs of the individuals who no longer have a voice, a culture, or expectation that they matter.

"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover your high school class is running the country."

~Kurt Vonnegut

OLD enough to know better yet YOUNG enough to do it again

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

Robert Frost

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"A diplomat is a man who remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age."

~Robert Frost

I thought I could be under the radar on my 53^rd Birthday but such was not the case.  Yes, I’m an April baby and born at the most important time in Christianity – Easter.  Talk about pressure!  Yet, it is important for me to reflect upon any wisdom gathered along my way to release the negative to allow me to make way for new goals, new horizons.  Allow me to share my poignant lessons I’ve learned thus far:

1)      Age is just a number:  Far too many age before their time or act inappropriately for our age.  My mother, Marie, is the greatest inspiration in this lesson.  When my father passed away 3 years ago, she set about to do the things she always wanted to do.  Namely, to dance.  She took private lessons before joining a singles club that wasn’t about finding a partner, but doing things that one loved.  She took golf lessons so that she would be able to golf.  She swims practically daily and is more active than most women half her age.   She is very humble because she didn’t get beyond high school because she was required to help out on the homestead farm in Saskatchewan, but she is the most well read, well informed person I know.  She looks her best at all times.  I’ve never seen her in sweats hanging out at the house all day on the couch.  She is always ready to be called out, play a game of bridge or welcome friends for coffee.

2)      Love your family:  They say that “if you treated your friends like you do your family, you wouldn’t have any friends”.   I appreciate that my siblings, two brothers, Greg and Cary, and my sister, Diana, were always each other’s best friends.  We had to rely on each other while we moved around the world as our father, Norman, was with the Canadian Armed Forces.  I love now how my daughters, Chantal and Kelsey, are each other’s best friends.  I often tell them how lucky they are to have each other and should always be there for each other.  My stepdaughter, Desiree has become a lovely lady, who became a better person after being infolded into the family dynamics when her father, Rob, and I married 7.5 years ago.  She chose us.  It was her decision to join our family at 15 and started calling Kyle, Chantal and Kelsey her brother and sisters, soon after we started dating and our first obligatory children introduction via a Bowling night.  She hid out in her room for the first day, while the others sat on the couch whispering at how they could get her to come out and join them, slipping notes under her door.  She is always the first to come to family gatherings, set the table, and never take family for granted.

3)      Love deeply:  Allow your partner, friends, family to love others more deeply:  When Rob and I were first dating, long before we got married, I was frustrated by how he put his daughter first.  It was my sister, Diana, who wisely told me that a man who would put his daughter first, before a relationship was a keeper.  She was right.  We gave Desiree a family and home, steered on back on course, and now I have the rest of our lives to enjoy that beautiful quality.  He is a cool pal for my son, Kyle to look up to and relate to, joke with about opposing hockey teams, football competitions, and gaming together.  An example to Kyle on what a good and strong man represents.  Kyle has also learned that his true value does not depending upon a life partner, as much as it is to have those to love for a lifetime.  When you love deeply, you learn profoundly.

http://youtu.be/xFrGuyw1V8s

4)      Dance often:  I was 17 in 1978 when Abba’s ground breaking song “Dancing Queen” was popular and it is my swan song.  Don’t worry if anyone is watching because if you love dancing, the music will pour your soul and make you feel good no matter how bad you feel.  When the kids were little, with or without their cousins, Friday night was the night that they did their dance performances.  They’d rehearse and then come in with astoundingly great choreographed performances.  The girls walked in the door today, and I was doing my hair, not completely dressed and Kelsey was “oh brother Mother” and I tried my best Shakira impression which could never do her justice, but the fun and laughter was the most rewarding part.

5)      Embrace failure:  If you never fail, you will never understand completely how rewarding success can be.  Dig deep to reflect on what you have learned, what you could have done better, WILL do better the next time and then RELEASE it into the wind.  The greatest leaders and inspirations failed greatly or graciously … it was how they recovered, is what makes them icons and idols (i.e.  Mandela, Oprah Winfrey, Terry Fox)

6)      Appreciate friends:  I am very fortunate to have a group of friends that I’ve known for years – Kathy, whom we started college together, stood up for each other for our first marriages, held each up when they failed, empathized through life’s challenges, and held us accountable to remember life’s joys.  Friends are the ones you have that you can be vulnerable with, show your weaknesses to and love you despite it all.  They champion your success and encourage you when you face failure.  They rejoice in your stages in life, circling around family, love first and career, title, accomplishments less.  We both started out the same, both have experienced tremendous success, and have faltered unwillingly, yet relied on each other often.  It is by reason of having those to share with, has Celebrate Success not been given its own bullet.  That is because without acknowledging those relationships that could have failed either during success or failure, there is no difference, they stand by you no matter what.

7)      Recognize loyalty:  We have people who float in and out of our lives.  There are people who gravitate towards you when you are on your high and head for the hills when you are down.  The best you can surround yourself with are those who recognize qualities that you may sometimes not be in the mindset to be aware of.  They stay in touch and are just as important today, as they were you first met.  They associate with only those that champion goodness and aspire greatness.

8)      Be spiritual:  Never fear recrimination for having faith, no matter how it is shaped.  Spirituality is your relationship with a more powerful being, whether it is God, Jesus, Budha or Mohammed.  It will hold you up when you feel life has let you down, give you spirit to fight back and be a better human being, help others.  It is not a financial reward or through financial giving, it is by being.

9)      Love life:  Find ways to enjoy each day.  Some days, you really have to dig deep to do that.  Go outside, experience nature, through the Frisbee for your dog who will love you faithfully, enjoy beauty in other’s talented expression through writing, art, creativity or photography.  Avoid those that bring you down.  Misery loves company, but it is something you distance yourself from and chose not to participate in. Laugh often, laugh so hard you cry.

 

10)   Know your health:  understand your body, it’s needs.  If you are restless, exercise.  Eat vegetables and fruit and not the quick fix of junk food, candy.  Give permission to enjoy chocolate, if that is your vice.  Don’t deprive yourself of food for nourishment and wellbeing, but monitor the toxins you are allowing into your body and make up for that in other ways.

11)   Be kind:  Steer clear of expressing anger, hurting others.  You should give more than you get.  It will be a major contributor to your overall wellbeing.  You will find peace in knowing you have given when you felt you had less to give.  Look beyond the poverty and filth to see the glimmer of hope in eyes full of sorrow.  Smile and don’t turn your head or avoid their eyes.  Allow your shared humanity to bond you.

12)   Avoid ego and pride:  Don’t beat yourself up, avoid doing things that you have to work hard at to being better, and don’t allow ego and pride prevent you from being humble, admit your mistakes and ask for forgiveness and say thank you more often than and whenever the opportunity presents itself as a gift.

13)   Take risks:  No matter what disappointments, frustrations, losses, or hurt you’ve experienced, you will only heal if you stretch beyond what you think you are capable of.  Be willing to look less than perfect, acknowledge where you have a need to learn, appreciate when you’ve accomplished your best by yourself and most importantly, share it with others.  There is no great person that has ever lived who went it alone.  Be inspired by greatness.  Read about people who overcome great odds, ignore the misbelievers, pay special attention to the geeks or freaks who will teach you wisdom.  Know the difference between whom you can trust and who will bring you down to their level.  Dare to follow in love despite the fear of hurt you face.

Thank you for sharing my birthday with me.  Allow me to celebrate that 13 points are lucky numbers to have to learn about life from.  We shall avoid the belief that 53 is old, when we see such wisdom and so many in front of us that we're lucky to learn from.  Let us to continue to recognize all the wonderful things this world has to offer us.  ~JM

"Old age, believe me, is a good and pleasant thing.  It is true you are gently shouldered off the stage, but then you are given such a comfortable front stall as spectator."

~ Confucious

Old age, believe me, is a good and pleasant thing. It is true you are gently shouldered off the stage, but then you are given such a comfortable front stall as spectator.

Confucius

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The NEED for FEED .... back

The herd seek out the great, not for their sake but for their influence; and the great welcome them out of vanity or need.

Napoleon Bonaparte

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"The herd seek out the great, not for their sake but their influence; and the great welcome them out of vanity or need."

~Napoleon Bonaparte

 

 

Feedback is a phenomena that has reached new heights with the emergence and advance of social media.   Information travels incredibly fast and many find themselves trapped unaware or fall victim to negative feedback.  Often  complaints disguised as "feedback" are negative and the object/subject are often unprepared and the immediate reaction is to go into defensive mode when they are startled into awareness.  It is my observation that 9 out of 10 times it is negative feedback that gets an immediate reaction - the worse the feedback, the quicker the response.

Feedback is a critical element on improvement.  Unfortunately, most organizations don't plan on how to respond to feedback.  It is far too often in reactive mode and far less in proactive mode.  I have written about Social Media feedback already but this time how it applies in business.

 

 

 

There is a time and place for everything.  Feedback is a crucial to any one person, team or organizations success.  In fact, feedback is encouraged in many situations:

 

 

• Personnel reviews
• Customer reviews
• Feedback forms
• Review panels
• Interactive communications

 

Obviously, there are three types of feedback:

 

• Positive
• Negative
• Constructive

1. Positive feedback is pleasant, complimentary, and makes a person or organization proud of something, feel good about themselves. 
2. Negative feedback is rarely welcome, usually takes the recipient off guard, and the target tends to  immediately go on the defensive
3. Constructive feedback is when the intent is encouraged for improvement, aid learning and enhance development.  

Helpful feedback is when you give (or receive) encouragement and ideas on how to make changes to improve performance, enhance results.   

The least helpful feedback you can give someone (or receive yourself)  is vague encouragement ("You're on the right track, keep at it, 'Good start! Keep at it!")  Mind you, blistering criticism on the other hand causes the mighty to be shaken especially when caught unawares ('I hated it' You suck!') 

The most misleading feedback  is none  at all!  It evades the subject or communicates to the prospective recipient that there is nothing wrong.  Why you may want to reconsider sidestepping feedback:

• It gives a false send of security
• No news is good news is not always true
• We've been raised to "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all"
• We think it is poor manners to give feedback when not asked for
• We are not correcting a behaviour that is disruptive or unproductive

 

FEEDBACK (noun)

1)   Information about reactions to a product, a person's performance of a task, etc., used as a basis for improvement.

2)   The modification or control of a process or system by its results or effects, e.g., in a behavioral response.

Synonyms:

Response, reaction, comments, criticism, reception, review

i.e. “we welcome feedback”

 

Every ONE and every ORGANIZATION improves with feedback.  You can call it whatever you'd like:

• Reviews
• Comments
• Opinions
• Advice
• Pointers
• Research

There is a very effective method to feedback that I learned while at my Toastmasters International professional group.   In fact, we would evaluate and give feedback based on our feedback, fancy that! 

The basic rule was use a sandwich:

• Say something positive that will make the person receptive
• Give the feedback
• Say something positive again

The best managers, leaders or organizations are masters in the art of feedback.  We're so pleased at the intro and closing, we don't take the feedback quite as if it is a personal attack. 

A very wise elderly lady I know perfected it.  She starts out with something along this line "this is just some friendly advice that you may want to consider" (ears and mind opens) .. you may want to consider diversifying your savings strategy (I'm not hearing I don't have a strategy, or I have a poor strategy or I have bad habits) ... you may want to consider paying off your mortgage or buying an investment property (or whatever the case may be).  By doing this myself,  I have learned from own mistakes ... (she's not perfect either) I discovered that you shouldn't spend all your hard earned money on .. insert this or that  .... You may find a better idea of solving this as I know you're an avid reader and researcher ... much better with your computer skills than I am (awwww, I'm warmed up now) to know how important saving money is. 

She isn't accusing me of being a wasteful spender or criticizing me for not preparing for retirement.  She's enveloping her own wisdom and experience in a way that is framed in such a way I will pay attention, want to consider adopting it and will certainly feel good about it.

Another example would be like:  "Jeannette, your enthusiasm and energy really inspires me to pay attention to what you have to say.  Sometimes it is difficult to catch all the great substance by the style in your delivery.  I often feel like you think I'm not getting it or paying attention.  It comes across as though you are telling me without asking my opinion.  If you would slow down a tad, I can write notes or ask questions to absorb all your great ideas."

Surprisingly, this is a lot harder to do than it sounds.  We can fall into the trap of sugar coating it too much that our main point can be lost.  When done in conversation, effectively using eye contact and pausing between points allows the listener to absorb what is being said.

The next time, you are in a situation where you have to artfully provide feedback, think about this approach.  Once you are in the habit of doing so, your ideas or feedback may take you much farther than you dreamed it would.

You can avoid a lot of heartache, heat and resistance try to follow these hints:

• AVOID attacking the person or making them feel as though they are being attacked 
• AVOID using sarcasm which is a passive aggressive way of being nasty
• AVOID underscoring a past mistake to make emphasis (they will feel like they can never do anything right and put them on the defensive immediately
• AVOID communicating in a tone or speed that communicates anger (everyone knows a hissing cat is angry merely by the sound of it)
• NEVER give feedback in front of others, regardless of your seniority.  You will look bad and weak ... never mind HR (human resources) could end up at your door instead!  Take the person aside and address the situation privately.
• WATCH your body language (don't point a finger, shake your head as a no when you are wanting to convey a yes)
• SMILE when you are opening with the positive statement, be serious when you are framing the main constructive point, and then look directly after you've finished the final positive framework
• AVOID being too concise or brief: giving feedback is not something that should be done in haste
• PLAN your feedback:  write down, rehearse or play over in your mind, visualize how you are going to deliver your sandwich.
• AVOID joining the positive with the meat by using "but", "however"
• SCHEDULE the time and disallow interruptions of any kind.  Respectfully reschedule if you know there is a pressing matter that may require interruptions. 
• GOING to a company cafeteria or coffee shop does create a personalized receptive environment.
• TURN OFF all communications devices as they fall under interruption and distractions.
• END with a plan:  how are you going to mutually review that improvement has been made?  How are either going to track, monitor changes?
• FOLLOW UP:  With something in writing to recap what was discussed and decided will be used to measure improvement; the recipient can do this rather than waiting for the communicating to demonstrate that they embrace it and are prepared to heed the advice.
• FOLLOW UP:  Schedule a review in a week, month, or three months where both parties can collaborate, exchange thoughts on where, if, when improvements have been made.  If at a later date, you or your company decide that the feedback fell on deaf ears and the effort was not rewarded and you want to let the person go, you will be thankful that you have documented your efforts to help the person, when, how often, what steps were involved.

BE TACTFUL In other words, instead of coming straight out and saying "our meetings are too long".  You may have a valid point but you don't want to stick your neck in a noose by appearing as though you are criticizing a manager, who you owe respect to.  Think of a way that you could say it to a manager in such a way that it will be taken as valuable, helpful as the person may be unaware.    If you think meetings are too long, think about why you think they're too long?  Is it because you need to get home to get your kids to their soccer game? Far, far too often someone within group dynamics takes on the role of being the spokesperson, thinking that they should speak on behalf of the group in a tone of bravado that they mistakenly think the team appreciates their confidence and ability to speak up.  More often they are misguided and their team mates are horrified by the thought that the manager or leader thinks that they support such outspokenness. 


I had a leader who asked that we do our best to provide a solution prior to just spewing out a problem.  It was wise.  Wouldn't this sound better:  "There is a lot of great information that is covered during our meetings.  At times, they go longer than scheduled.  Perhaps we can have them over lunch and kill two birds with one stone or have an Agenda posted/sent out beforehand so that we can all stay on topic and on task."  That works rather well when the team all gets on board and collaborates on a solution that everyone can agree and compromise on to fix the problem.  i.e.  If you come up with the idea of lunch, everyone agrees to brown bag it, take turns to pick up the sandwiches or make arrangements to order in pizza.

Surprisingly, this is a lot harder to do than it sounds.  We can fall into the trap of sugar coating it too much that our main point can be lost.  When done in conversation, effectively using eye contact and pausing between points to encourage the listener to absorb what is being said.  You may have noticed, I like to use the word "perhaps" because I have found it softens the messages and conveys that it is just a suggestion.  How I do it, where I do, how I follow up conveys the seriousness or willingness to mentor/help with changes suggested.

The next time, you are in a situation where you have to provide feedback, think about these pointers.  If you sense or experience resistance, it may not mean that your ideas or feedback are unnecessary.  It just may mean that you need to deliver them a little differently.  Once you are in the habit of sandwiching your feedback, your ideas or delivery may take you much farther than you dreamed they would!

Let me know if you have tried any of these tips and if they worked. 

 

 

 

There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time.

Malcolm X

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"There is no better than adversity.  Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve performance the next time."

~Malcolm X