When honesty hurts



"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
~Martin Luther King, Jr.

I’m thankful I ran across the story afire on Twitter to draw me  to MEDIUM to read what the fuss was all about for myself.  It made me want to comment, respond, and say a few words.....
If I were her mentor, I would have advised Talia to stay away from broadcasting her frustration with her company and employer so publicly. It has ramifications that one may not have anticipated, such as losing a job, as it did happen. Many organizations have Code of Ethics with social media rules that protect themselves from this very thing, which would state “loss of employment” if you violate the rules.
Having said that, let me applaud and share my respect for the courage that it must have taken to publish this not-so-secret plight. It is a sad state of circumstances that many 20 somethings are dealing with: not being able to afford a living while working: often called the “working poor” or forced to live at home.
If she had asked me, which she certainly didn’t. I would have recommended that she reach out to HR to ask for advice so that they may have guided her on what extras could be done to move up the ladder. (However, these same advisors are usually people who are hired fresh out of university themselves, without life wisdom, because they will accept a lower wage with the same optimism that they can work their way up the ladder to a better paying job). 
Or, she could have asked her direct manager, what skills she should focus on to become a higher valued contributor in order to be promoted within the company. (Which those same managers may not be equipped for career mentoring while to juggling high turnover from the constant revolving door of employees who get fed up or luckily are snapped up by a competitor or another company willing to pay a little more for all that training and experience that the former company cast aside).  Thanks for training your competitors?  Huh?

Steve Jobs was certainly known for NOT keeping his opinions to himself.
There are a lot of remarkable examples the world over who were often  considered rebels: think Steve Jobs … getting hired and fired, committed to his beliefs and passionate about perfection, who ended up paving a way to a career on his own terms. Difficult to imagine when you don’t know where the money for groceries or having to turn off the heater to save on costs.
Talia was very brave in her expression. However, being as smart as she is, she may have anticipated that she could lose her job over self-expression: telling it like it is. She is a lesson and champion for her generation, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. She had the tenacity and realization that it isn’t a plight of hers alone, but of many similar in age who are saddled with student debt, not finding a good job because you need a good job in order to get the experience to get a better one, or still living at home which destroys any self-confidence or optimism you may have once had. Forced to accept minimum wage for an important role: speaking to customers.
I suggest she continue to be passionate about her beliefs even when the world seems to be knocking her down. We don’t always know where we’ll end up, but having integrity and passionate about injustice, is a character trait that should serve her well in your future. Someone WILL recognize someone who is prepared to go the extra mile for their customers, their career, their company. Sometimes true honesty is a thermometer of what is really going on. It is not rocket science that happy employees create positive experiences with customers. Society and the corporate world don’t always recognize that although the truth can hurt, it may foreshadow a downward turn in their good fortune. It often appears in the end, with executives scratching their heads, revolving disruptive CEO or executive turnover who make change for the sake of making impact, without asking the frontline people if it makes sense. We know them as media darlings who are constantly being broadcasted about their demise, their layoffs, their diminishing shareholder value.

Yes, it took guts. But the ramifications are indicative of the world we live in: it is safer to take your grief to your employer-sponsored benefits to a counselor, who may be better equipped to help you handle it.
I hope others will recognize, as I did, that if you ignore a problem or keep quiet about it, doesn’t necessarily mean it will go away.  Typically, it masks a much bigger problem. The company is simply doing what is acceptable practice: protecting their reputation so that they don’t lose customers or shareholders. The same companies that hire juniors, train them for responsibility, and then hope that it will turn out in their favor …. all at a much lower wage than they could hire someone with greater experience who can’t afford to start all over again.

Many employees keep quiet about how they feel to protect themselves
Many quality organizations promote honesty and create platforms to voice complaints about a manager, express how they really feel.  Yet, many employees are frozen with fear that the same manager or situation will get flagged and travel back to them, causing more undesired issues, ramifications and sometimes retaliation.   
At least, they try:  often,  they are the bigger corporations that have accountabilities to shareholders, if not always employees.  Then, there are the smaller or mid-size family run businesses where staff can be fired on a whim or a bad day.... with little to no fear of ramification.  At least, some companies hold their entire organization accountable and are known for firing executives for  violating behaviors.   
Above surface: what the world sees; below surface: what is really going on
That is a slippery slope of discussion best not expressed by an employee who could be misunderstood or misperceived that they're talking about their own organization when they are not.    Safer to keep away from slamming former employers or a nasty former boss unless one doesn't care that they could be held accountable.

"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." 
~Albert Einstein
How many organizations, I wonder, evaluate employee turnover and examine if there are trends?  Are managers with higher results or performance forgiven more frequently for high turnover because they may be perceived as driving results when the real reasons may be disguised?  
 I like my job, I love my company.  I consciously stay far away from writing about or participating in corporate politics.  I have a focused decision to do my best to write positively and help others be more optimistic while improving their skills .... a more constructive way of moving ahead ... in my opinion.


Thank you for your honesty, Talia, it is precious. As a mother of four 20-somethings it isn’t anything I haven’t heard before …. although albeit a lot less publicly.
 +Jeannette Marshall (mother of four 20-somethings aka Millennials)

"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."

~Albert Einstein

DONATIONS discussion: Do you click, donate, fund, share or pass?


"It isn't how much we give but how much love we put into giving."                                                                              ~Mother Teresa

Do you respond to the spirit of giving?  How does it make you feel when someone who is important in your life has put up a "Go Fund Me" campaign and you're being asked to donate?

If you are online, your heartstrings are likely pulled often by sad stories and worthy reasons to feel empathy to those brave enough to share their heart-wrenching stories or the cry for funds to help injustice, violence, illness, financial ruin.

In the past few months, I've had two instances wherein I was asked to share "Go Fund Me" stories to my followers.

A good personal IRL (in real life) friend had racked up debt in legal fees fighting for an inheritance that went morally wrong:  a greedy sibling and spouse cleaned out an elderly's legacy so that when the inevitable did happen, there was nothing left to bequeath to the children.  This lady went to the courts that were there to protect her from injustice, ending up costing her much of her own nest egg to fight for what was rightfully hers and so wrongfully taken from her.

A foster mother who had given her heart to a rejected boy who was bestowed upon her to care for him for 12 years who devastatingly passed away during the night from seizures that took his life.  When the funeral and memorial was planned and held, the foster parents, who had dedicated themselves and helped him bloom.  He came to them mute, unable to speak, inflicted with fetal alcohol syndrome because his mother either didn't have the resources to care for a child with exceptional extra needs.  (Last I heard, this 30-year-old woman had 11 children, from different fathers.)  The mother of this dear boy's heart had no rights to his funeral, memorial as it automatically is returned to the birth mother.  This mother set about a "Go Fund Me" campaign simply because she wanted him to have a grave marker and tree planted near where he was buried.  The despair of losing him was magnified when the toys she placed carefully where he was buried were his favorites and to remind his spirit he was not forgotten. These toys laid with her heart, are always stolen.  

I did share the posts that they asked me to.  Maybe once in one case and with comments for the other.  I ran across the first lady at a shop and her look at me was something along the lines of anger or avoidance:  she said she was in a hurry and could not stop to chat.  I sensed her fury with me and I quickly realized that it may have been because I shared the second "Go Fund Me" posts more than her's.

"Never worry about the numbers.  Help one person at a time and start with the person nearest you."                                                                         ~Mother Teresa

Whenever one is asked to donate or support a cause, it can create discomfort.  Not because the cause isn't worthy for donations or support.  The request was for me to use some strength or merit I may be blessed with to share the posts.  It doesn't mean that I have any gift or power that people will scramble to donate just because I have shared it.  

I don't feel it is my place to beg people to pay attention to the cause or influence or peddle people for donations.  I do like to use the means I have to share injustices in this world.  I do want it to be a better, safer, lovelier world.  I try to use that gift to bring awareness to others.

How people react to photos of maimed dogs or soldiers, is a personal one.  It isn't my place to judge whether they skim past the post or take the time to read, or even take it a step further to comment, or motivated to share, or inspired to donate.

Neither should it be my responsibility as to whether a "Go Fund Me" campaign catches on virally and money pours in for the cause.  It isn't fair to expect that I have such an influence that can take it to a higher level.

It is always an honor when others think that I may be able to help.  It isn't something I take lightly or for granted.  What is disappointing is the judgment or evaluation on how much attention I may give one over the other.  If my friendship with a person deteriorates because I have acted in a way they expected me to.  That is a common flaw in humanity. We project our expectations on others and grade people sometimes based on our OWN expectations.

Many of us would love to be able to donate to every cause, sad story, injustice, or violent act that crosses our screen.  It is reasonable to expect that the people that know you best would be the first to step up and hand over some cash to support that plight.

However, it can cause people embarrassment.  You may not have the money at the time, you may have pledged it elsewhere, or any other justified reasons.  Sometimes what we ask of people, especially when it comes to giving money, makes one uncomfortable if they are unable to give.

One person's justification for their cause can be different than another's.  Maybe a person donates to charity on a regular basis as part of a budget and does not have disposable income that they can pull out funds on demand to show they care or to demonstrate that they think the cause is worthy.   

Perhaps another judges their perceived power or influence you have:  just share or post and money will pour in.  

If you decide that a person is no longer a friend or as loving a relative if he or she is based on their donation or supporting your cause, becomes your issue, not their's.  

Hurt can result when you don't see the donations that you hoped for or from those you thought would. That shouldn't be a measurement of friendship.  

People react differently when they are grieving or under tremendous stress.  Don't evaluate their worth to you in their life based on whether they can act on it financially or by posting, commenting or sharing.  You are deteriorating the value of that relationship.

I did do a brief research on Go Fund Me.  I am admittedly skeptical of anything that generates revenue off the backs of people's grief and sad situations.

I got my answer quickly, as I knew I would:  they do make revenue off of sad stories.  They do take a cut of the proceeds from the donation.  



I looked at the campaigns that have raised the most funds.  Tragic always.  Pulls at the heart strings, definitely.  What did the service do to promote each and every campaign?  That is vague.  What I took instinctively from it was it is set up in a way that the person setting up the campaign is trusting that their friends, family or acquaintances will be compelled to contribute.  That is how they make their money:  by a percentage of the contributions.


Why not set up your own Facebook Page or create a website that celebrates the person's life?    You can have an image gallery for people to upload their own personal memories.  You can allow people to upload a video dedication, write a poem, comment on how they impacted their life.  That can have far-reaching meaning and benefit to those who cannot visit a gravesite or lay flowers or toys even though that would be their desire.

Why not set up a charity in that name as a tax deduction with a financial institution.  Why not approach an arborist, landscaper or tree farm to donate a tree if that is what you are asking for?  



I see a lot of opportunity and ways to honor a person, get specific items like a grave marker or tree by approaching organizations who generates income for such things:  they have the most to gain with their reputation by donating a gift in kind.

In the case of dishonest relatives who wipe out their siblings' inheritance:  why not find a legal team or firm that does gratis work and approach them for legal assistance for free?

I am not suggesting that you avoid asking your friends and relatives for assistance.  Many would love to help, even if it is not financial, it can be to spread the word, share, click.

Just don't project your expectations or evaluate their value in checks (cheques) and balances.  They may truly care.  They just may not react the way YOU want them to.  Sadly, it is you who will ultimately lose if you cross them off based on your judgment of their willingness, ability or actions.

Evaluate your own expectations and deal with that long before you walk by someone you would normally stop and chat with.  You may not know or understand why one campaign or post got your attention more than theirs.  Don't expect anyone else to feel as passionate about it as much as you do.

If you have it in you to give.  Give.  Not because it is expected of you.  But because it resonates in such a way you want to.  Also, give if you have the talent or resources that may not be financial.  Avoid those that judge your friendship based on their perception of your ability to give.















BE THE FORCE on social media

Experimenting with creativity

If you put yourself "out there" in social media, you have to be prepared for the spoils.  On the one hand, you are trying to attract attention, on the other hand, you are avoiding the wrong kind of attention.

Facebook has opened its borders to me seemingly.  At first,  I reacted with "WOW, how cool".  It quickly faded and now boils down to annoyance.  It seems so many want to bring you down into their cesspool of corruption, dishonesty, scams, cheating and porn.

I have clearly identified myself as happily married to a wonderful man who began the journey of blending two families of teenagers at the time, three of them girls.  I know, clearly, madly in love.

It is perplexing to me how many ignore reading that simple bio detail:  "Married".  Makes you wonder if that term is an aphrodisiac to the unfulfilled or cheaters of this world?  

If you are going to circulate in social media, you should follow some simple and clear rules:

DO NOT private message anyone without asking         permission first.  

DO NOT assume that your audience will be as thrilled with your dick as much as you are.

BE PREPARED for your private message posts with images to be shared on your page where your employer, clients, friends and family hang out.

 DO NOT do anything online that you are not prepared to come back to haunt you.

 DO NOT share pictures of yourself drunk, disorderly or in situations that your future employer will discredit you by.

 DO NOT abuse the power of influence you have by using your words to abuse, bully, objectify, rant or vocalize a cause unless it is against such causes.

 BELIEVE IN YOURSELF you don't need likes, shares, favorites or retweets to tell you that you are beautiful, talented.  Let your family and loved ones do that for you in your presence.

 BE KNOWN FOR respecting women and applauding their accomplishments, not their looks.
GUARD YOUR REPUTATION  as though it is a newborn babe.

STAY AWAY from those who are out to tarnish your good name. 




YOU ARE WHO YOU ASSOCIATE WITH:   as in real life, the rules don't change because one is hidden behind a keyboard.


SURROUND YOURSELF with those that align with your values.

REINFORCE YOUR CREDIBILITY  by having those more knowledgeable in your sphere of influence.

BE POSITIVE and share uplifting, inspirational, motivational messages, images, quotes and stories.

BE THE FORCE that promotes harmony, peace, and humanity with an undertone of humility.


REACH HIGH and you will be cast wide with your words of wisdom, helpfulness, knowledge for the lost to discover a new optimism.

BE THE PERSON you were meant to be.

ME BEING ME  working on becoming the person of my own destiny.  Have a look and tell me what you see :::

I had thought that I had posted this yesterday - goodness me, at least I remembered writing it, lol.  I did a VLOG later on and even referenced it.  The 3 or 4 people that viewed my video may have thought I've lost it .... perhaps my memory yes.  Alas, here it is.  I think it is appropriate to merge the two messages on to this one post, thus I am posting the video herein to blend the message:  OWN your reputation online.