DONATIONS discussion: Do you click, donate, fund, share or pass?

"It isn't how much we give but how much love we put into giving."                                                                              ~Mother Teresa

Do you respond to the spirit of giving?  How does it make you feel when someone who is important in your life has put up a "Go Fund Me" campaign and you're being asked to donate?

If you are online, your heartstrings are likely pulled often by sad stories and worthy reasons to feel empathy to those brave enough to share their heart-wrenching stories or the cry for funds to help injustice, violence, illness, financial ruin.

In the past few months, I've had two instances wherein I was asked to share "Go Fund Me" stories to my followers.

A good personal IRL (in real life) friend had racked up debt in legal fees fighting for an inheritance that went morally wrong:  a greedy sibling and spouse cleaned out an elderly's legacy so that when the inevitable did happen, there was nothing left to bequeath to the children.  This lady went to the courts that were there to protect her from injustice, ending up costing her much of her own nest egg to fight for what was rightfully hers and so wrongfully taken from her.

A foster mother who had given her heart to a rejected boy who was bestowed upon her to care for him for 12 years who devastatingly passed away during the night from seizures that took his life.  When the funeral and memorial was planned and held, the foster parents, who had dedicated themselves and helped him bloom.  He came to them mute, unable to speak, inflicted with fetal alcohol syndrome because his mother either didn't have the resources to care for a child with exceptional extra needs.  (Last I heard, this 30-year-old woman had 11 children, from different fathers.)  The mother of this dear boy's heart had no rights to his funeral, memorial as it automatically is returned to the birth mother.  This mother set about a "Go Fund Me" campaign simply because she wanted him to have a grave marker and tree planted near where he was buried.  The despair of losing him was magnified when the toys she placed carefully where he was buried were his favorites and to remind his spirit he was not forgotten. These toys laid with her heart, are always stolen.  

I did share the posts that they asked me to.  Maybe once in one case and with comments for the other.  I ran across the first lady at a shop and her look at me was something along the lines of anger or avoidance:  she said she was in a hurry and could not stop to chat.  I sensed her fury with me and I quickly realized that it may have been because I shared the second "Go Fund Me" posts more than her's.

"Never worry about the numbers.  Help one person at a time and start with the person nearest you."                                                                         ~Mother Teresa

Whenever one is asked to donate or support a cause, it can create discomfort.  Not because the cause isn't worthy for donations or support.  The request was for me to use some strength or merit I may be blessed with to share the posts.  It doesn't mean that I have any gift or power that people will scramble to donate just because I have shared it.  

I don't feel it is my place to beg people to pay attention to the cause or influence or peddle people for donations.  I do like to use the means I have to share injustices in this world.  I do want it to be a better, safer, lovelier world.  I try to use that gift to bring awareness to others.

How people react to photos of maimed dogs or soldiers, is a personal one.  It isn't my place to judge whether they skim past the post or take the time to read, or even take it a step further to comment, or motivated to share, or inspired to donate.

Neither should it be my responsibility as to whether a "Go Fund Me" campaign catches on virally and money pours in for the cause.  It isn't fair to expect that I have such an influence that can take it to a higher level.

It is always an honor when others think that I may be able to help.  It isn't something I take lightly or for granted.  What is disappointing is the judgment or evaluation on how much attention I may give one over the other.  If my friendship with a person deteriorates because I have acted in a way they expected me to.  That is a common flaw in humanity. We project our expectations on others and grade people sometimes based on our OWN expectations.

Many of us would love to be able to donate to every cause, sad story, injustice, or violent act that crosses our screen.  It is reasonable to expect that the people that know you best would be the first to step up and hand over some cash to support that plight.

However, it can cause people embarrassment.  You may not have the money at the time, you may have pledged it elsewhere, or any other justified reasons.  Sometimes what we ask of people, especially when it comes to giving money, makes one uncomfortable if they are unable to give.

One person's justification for their cause can be different than another's.  Maybe a person donates to charity on a regular basis as part of a budget and does not have disposable income that they can pull out funds on demand to show they care or to demonstrate that they think the cause is worthy.   

Perhaps another judges their perceived power or influence you have:  just share or post and money will pour in.  

If you decide that a person is no longer a friend or as loving a relative if he or she is based on their donation or supporting your cause, becomes your issue, not their's.  

Hurt can result when you don't see the donations that you hoped for or from those you thought would. That shouldn't be a measurement of friendship.  

People react differently when they are grieving or under tremendous stress.  Don't evaluate their worth to you in their life based on whether they can act on it financially or by posting, commenting or sharing.  You are deteriorating the value of that relationship.

I did do a brief research on Go Fund Me.  I am admittedly skeptical of anything that generates revenue off the backs of people's grief and sad situations.

I got my answer quickly, as I knew I would:  they do make revenue off of sad stories.  They do take a cut of the proceeds from the donation.  

I looked at the campaigns that have raised the most funds.  Tragic always.  Pulls at the heart strings, definitely.  What did the service do to promote each and every campaign?  That is vague.  What I took instinctively from it was it is set up in a way that the person setting up the campaign is trusting that their friends, family or acquaintances will be compelled to contribute.  That is how they make their money:  by a percentage of the contributions.


Why not set up your own Facebook Page or create a website that celebrates the person's life?    You can have an image gallery for people to upload their own personal memories.  You can allow people to upload a video dedication, write a poem, comment on how they impacted their life.  That can have far-reaching meaning and benefit to those who cannot visit a gravesite or lay flowers or toys even though that would be their desire.

Why not set up a charity in that name as a tax deduction with a financial institution.  Why not approach an arborist, landscaper or tree farm to donate a tree if that is what you are asking for?  

I see a lot of opportunity and ways to honor a person, get specific items like a grave marker or tree by approaching organizations who generates income for such things:  they have the most to gain with their reputation by donating a gift in kind.

In the case of dishonest relatives who wipe out their siblings' inheritance:  why not find a legal team or firm that does gratis work and approach them for legal assistance for free?

I am not suggesting that you avoid asking your friends and relatives for assistance.  Many would love to help, even if it is not financial, it can be to spread the word, share, click.

Just don't project your expectations or evaluate their value in checks (cheques) and balances.  They may truly care.  They just may not react the way YOU want them to.  Sadly, it is you who will ultimately lose if you cross them off based on your judgment of their willingness, ability or actions.

Evaluate your own expectations and deal with that long before you walk by someone you would normally stop and chat with.  You may not know or understand why one campaign or post got your attention more than theirs.  Don't expect anyone else to feel as passionate about it as much as you do.

If you have it in you to give.  Give.  Not because it is expected of you.  But because it resonates in such a way you want to.  Also, give if you have the talent or resources that may not be financial.  Avoid those that judge your friendship based on their perception of your ability to give.